Relationships Tips

Relationship Problems: Solvable or Unsolvable


Every so often, I will hear a relationship speaker claim that they have never had a fight or problem in their marriage. My response to such a claim is that the person is either

1) lying or

2) certainly can't relate to me.

All love relationships have their share of problems, or to use the popular phrase, all relationships have issues.

In general, relationship issues can be divided into two categories:

solvable and unsolvable.

Solvable relationship problems

Solvable relationship problems are generally related to the needs you have in a relationship. An unmet need leads to a problem or issue. Some relationship needs are emotional needs and some are called functional needs. An emotional need is what you need to feel in order to feel loved in a relationship. A functional need is what you need for your life to work in a way that fits for you while in a relationship.

The good news is that needs are negotiable, and there are lots of ways to meet a need. The way to tell if something is a need for you or not, is that if it were not met, you would experience an issue every time. So meeting needs are very important, and are the difference between being happy or unhappy in a relationship.

Unsolvable relationship problems

Unsolvable relationship problems are generally related to what are called your requirements. Whether you are aware of it or not, whether you know them or not, you do have non-negotiable requirements. These requirements have to be met in order for a relationship to work for you. If even one of these requirements is missing the relationship will not work for you.

Requirements are relationship breakers. The problem is that we often treat our requirements as factors that are negotiable. They are not. Or we go into a relationship where we know an important factor does not exist, yet believe, hope or rationalize (rational lies) that somehow this will change once we get married.

For example, I once worked with a client who had a requirement that she have children. When she married her husband, he was ambivalent at best about children. She hoped he would change his mind. He didn't. The marriage ended. This is a great example of a non-negotiable requirement, because you cannot have half a child.

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.


MORE RESOURCES:

Relationships, communication theme of Friday's Warner Robins council retreat
Macon Telegraph (blog)
After ending at 7 pm Friday, the retreat will continue Saturday from 8 am to 3:30 pm OV Brantley, a former attorney for Fulton County governmental bodies, told council members their internal relationships are important to strong operations and images.

and more »


CBC.ca

Depression Linked To Adolescent Bullying
Medical News Today
"Often the assumption is that problematic peer relationships drive depression. We found that depression symptoms predicted negative peer relationships. We examined the issue from both directions but found no evidence to suggest that peer relationships ...
Depressed Adolescents More Likely to be BulliedPsychCentral.com
Depressed adolescents likelier to be bulliedTimes of India
Depressed adolescents more likely to be targets of bullying: StudyHealthJockey.com
U.S. News & World Report -Expatriate Healthcare
all 46 news articles »


Cara Dorris '15: The fiction of relationship?
The Brown Daily Herald
Most people will tell you that there are two types of relationships at Brown: rigid, Facebook-official romances and hurried, efficient and occasionally chronic hookups. Though there are exceptions, most of us brag that we're too busy, even too selfish ...

and more »


PsychCentral.com

Optimal conversation lowers stress in relationships
Times of India
Young couples who easily engage in rewarding conversations with their partners, experience less relationship stress and higher satisfaction, say researchers. According to research from Kansas State University, young adults who have optimal conversation ...
Going With the Flow of Talk Brings Couples CloserPsychCentral.com

all 12 news articles »


Healthy relationship examples crucial for youth, experts say
Maxwell Gunter Dispatch
In the race to stop domestic violence, educating children before they date can provide the awareness for healthy relationships when they become adults. In the crucial years before youth start dating, parents and peers impact children's perceptions of ...

and more »


Relationships Art Exhibit at the SCAHC Gallery in Sussex
NorthJersey.com (press release)
In the Relationships Art Exhibit, the Sussex County Arts and Heritage Council is asking artists to explore, well, relationships—any relationship. And what seems to be a traditional subject for art can prove to have numerous possibilities when viewed ...

and more »


Jamie Kennedy Talks Relationships, Valentine's Day Plans and Playing 'Cupid ...
Hollywood Reporter
As for his research of the role, the actor joked, "I went to Zales," before admitting, "I think I've been in enough relationships that that was my research." Not that he claims to know what he's doing. "Being in all of my relationships, I'm even more ...

and more »


At NRC Hearing, Signs Of Improving Relationships
Fox Business
However, it offered several hints that personal relationships on the five-member commission may be improving less than two months after they boiled over at a pair of congressional hearings. The tensions have raised questions about the nuclear safety ...

and more »


Love Triangles: And Kitty Makes Three
Patch.com
When pets and relationships collide, there are better answers than dumping one of the feuding parties. This shorthair cat is available for adoption from the Santa Monica Animal Shelter. For more information, contact Sharon Hardy, owner of Sweet Potato ...

and more »


HipHopDX

The Dead End Theory: 15 Rapper Relationships That Ended In Break-Up
HipHopDX
by DX Staff From Eminem and Mariah Carey's bittersweet triste to Darlene's immortal gangsterism, and the Kelis and Nas shakedown, HipHopDX looks back at some high-profile Rap relationships. While Love and Hip Hop is currently a hit reality show, ...

and more »

Google News

home | site map
© 2010