| |
| |
|
Relationships Information |
|
|
|
When Your Relationships Turn Abusive - What You Can Do
Sometimes the people who are the closest to us, our friends and our mates, the ones who should be liking us the best, are the ones who hurt us the most. No matter how lonely you are, you don't have to put up with rude or abusive behavior from other people. You can set strict limits on the behavior you will tolerate, and search for supportive relationships in which you feel comfortable and respected. A friend or a partner who is supportive of you will respect your body, your emotions, beliefs, fears, ideas, ambitions, dreams and hopes. If someone keeps making offensive remarks to you that hurt your feelings, tell them calmly that these remarks are not funny and that you feel hurt. Tell them you do not want them to make such remarks to you again. A person who belittles you and then says they were just joking, or someone who blames you for being "too sensitive" when they have just hurt you, is not respecting you. That person may be trying to hurt you, while hiding behind the pretense that it was only a joke. There are some other warning signs you should watch out for. If you are in a relationship with someone who is showing signs of extreme jealousy, rudeness, lying, criticism, violence, trying to isolate you from your family and friends, or trying to control your life, it is extremely unlikely that these traits will go away on their own. In fact, it is quite likely that they will become worse. Do you feel it would be safe for you to bring forth your grievances so that the two of you can work out a conclusion that satisfies both of you? If you don't feel that you can work out your problems, the relationship will probably eventually fail, and you may go through a lot of suffering before you finally decide to cut your losses. If you always avoid expressing your needs and feelings whenever you have been hurt in a relationship, ask yourself why. Is it because you generally have a lot of difficulty standing up for yourself? Are you are afraid of what the other person's reaction will be? If you are afraid of the other person's reaction, has this become an abusive relationship? Is this a relationship where you are always "walking on eggshells" trying to avoid an angry explosion from your partner? Do you stay in this relationship only because you cannot stand the idea of being alone? If you really want someone to understand how their behavior has affected you, and if you want them to change their behavior in the future, you will have a better chance of success if you express yourself clearly, calmly, and directly, without making blanket accusations and generalizations. When you are communicating to your friend or partner, wait until you have both calmed down emotionally. State clearly the specific behaviors you don't like, and avoid making accusations that start with the word "you", such as "You make me so mad", or "You don't care about me". Instead, keep your statements focused on yourself and your own reactions, such as, "I felt hurt when you said ... ". Keep your comments focused on specific behaviors that upset you, such as "Yesterday when we were at your mother's, you said that ..." Don't use generalized universal statements such as, "You always ..." or, "You never ..." When you express how you feel hurt or angered by a specific behavior, the other person may try to tell you that you have no right to feel that way. You might be told, "You have no right to be sad", or, "You have no right to be jealous", or, "You have no right to be angry." You may be told that you are wrong to have the feelings you do. If the other person tells you that you have no right to your feelings, it may be because they do not really understand how emotions work. Or perhaps they want to divert attention from their own bad behavior by blaming you instead. Realize that your emotions belong to you. They are real and they are yours. You have a right to respect your own feelings, values and dignity, and to ask that others do the same. If the problems in your relationship are very serious, you may benefit from getting some outside counseling. Or you may need to get out altogether. Royane Real is the author of several self help books available at her website. Sign up for the free newsletter filled with life improving tips at http://www.royanereal.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Jamie Kennedy Talks Relationships, Valentine's Day Plans and Playing 'Cupid ... - Hollywood Reporter
Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Are You Codependent or Independent? Why is it that depending on others to fulfill our self worth isa concept that we all can relate to? Sacrificing what ourthoughts, emotions, decisions, and likes or dislikes are, forthe betterment of someone else's.It is as if depending on the other person who you hold sohigh is more fulfilling then standing alone, independent ofthe other. False Forecasts Lead to Matchmaking Hell False ForecastsThe typical methods for finding a partner are based on personality tests, psychological profiles, and our own evaluation of a potential partner.Most of the matchmaking techniques used on these sites are doomed to failure because the harmonious relationship forecast turns out to be false. How Do I Get Him or Her To Talk To Me?!!! This is a common concern in our society for single people of any age; how to make contact with someone that we like on a soft matter without being forward. The truth of the matter is that we have the opportunity to meet that special person everyday; at the bus station, at the grocery store, at church, at a class, at the gym, at the coffe shop, at the library. Lifelong Partners, Lifelong Growth Many people, maybe even you, think there is only one life partner for each of us in our lives. I've got good news - we all have many, many life partners. A Little Help Finding Love A little help finding love online.Visit the dating sites. Relationship Advice: Who Are You and What Have You Done with My Spouse? "When we marry, we don't marry one person, we marry three. The person we think they are, the person they really are and the person they will become as a result of marrying us. Moving On to Much Better Things After Leaving an Abusive Relationship Leaving an abusive relationship is difficult, but being alone can feel worse. All your happily married friends are still happily married, and here you are suddenly single. Religious Dating - Traditions and Values Dating someone with the same religious beliefs as you, can often result in a rewarding relationship where both you and your partner can share in the same values and traditions. It also means that if your dating becomes serious, you are less likely to have problems with family members disapproving of your choice. Prison Wife: Stand By Your Man There are approximately 2 million men in the prison system in the United States. That means there are a lot of loved ones left behind to wait. Two Kinds of Love Love is something we all need, and want.For love, some have lived, and many others have died. Buying Underwear For The Woman In Your Life - The Golden Rules There are two golden rules for choosing underwear for the woman in your life: ignore them at your peril!1) Make sure you get the right size?This is relatively easy - all you have to do is have a look at the label inside a bra that she often wears and note the size (numbers and letters, eg 36C) and do the same for a pair of knickers. Just don't let her catch you rummaging in her underwear drawer or she might get the wrong idea!!Then take yourself down to the nearest lingerie outlet (try a big department store - you'll get more help choosing and you'll get extra brownie points for the effort), find someone to help you and tell them the size you need. Relationship Advice for Women - Beyond the Happy Ending - Part 1 The Nothing Syndrome We've all heard the stories. The princess finds her prince and lives happily ever after. When Someone You Love is Moving Your best friend moves a thousand miles, your aunt retires or your brother's family gets transferred. They're moving from Boise to Boston and you live in San Diego. Five Telltale Signs That A Role Reversal Relationship Could Be Right For You Powerful, accomplished women intimidate some men, but fascinate others. If you are a feisty, take-charge kind of gal, you've probably had your share of problems with men and wonder if you'll ever find Mr. What's Special About Abused Women? Before writing this article, I stopped and thought hard. By writing this, would I be putting potentially harmful information in the hands of abusive men? Would I be putting more women at risk? The answer kept coming back 'no' - although the question did bring to mind another characteristic of abused women that I'll come back to. How realistic are we? So often when we think of our ideal mate we give them qualities and attributes that one person may or may not be able to possess. These qualities can be how they look, how they treat us, to something like what kind of job that they have. Honesty Accepted - Deception Denied We've all done it at one time or another, or will do it sometime in the future. Regardless of when you do it, just remember you will get caught eventually and when you do, you cannot bury your head in the sand. Youve Been Dumped - Heres How to Get Over It Weve all been there. Weve fallen in love with somebody who just didnt love us back. Holiday Fun for Singles Are you dreading the holidays because you are single? For those who are alone, this can be a difficult season -- especially if you know what it is like to be in a relationship during this time of year. This can, however, be your best time of the year if you follow this plan:1. What Men Want From Women Actually, it's pretty simple. Deep inside the heart of every man is a secret wish to be trusted.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2010 |
