Relationship Tune Up - 7 Key Points to Avoid a Break Up or Break Down

"Every three months or 3,000 miles."

That's how the sticker in the left upper corner of my windshield reads.

It's a matter of common knowledge that we are supposed to maintain, service, and tune up our cars if we want them to run well and last.

In my experience, it rarely occurs to us to do the same thing with our love relationships.

More and more of the couples I see are not in need of long term therapy, they are more in need of a short term relationship tune up.

7 Key Points

What first attracted you to each other? - This is the first question I ask most couples because it helps to be reminded that your partner has some great qualities that led you to want to be in this relationship.

What are some of the strengths of your relationship? - Instead of all the things that are wrong with your relationship, what I want to know is what are some of the strengths of the relationship upon which we can build in order to solve the problems with which they are struggling.

When have you been the closest? - One of the easiest ways to tune up your relationship is to do the things you were doing when you were the closest.

You may have noticed that the first 3 questions were all focused on positives in the relationship.

This is done on purpose. One of the dangers of traditional marriage counseling is a focus on what is wrong or defective with an individual or the relationship. One of the many benefits of relationship coaching is a focus on using the strengths in the relationship to build up the areas where the relationship is weak.

What are your partner's emotional needs and what are your own? - If you do not know, hear are the two crucial questions to ask:

1) In order to feel loved by me, what do you need to feel in our relationship?

2) What are some ways I can meet those needs?

What is your partner's love language and what is yours? - Some folks need to hear it, some folks need to see it, and some folks need to feel it.

How do the two of you "do conflict?" - Conflict in a relationship is inevitable. Fighting is optional.

What is your vision for your relationship? - Without a vision, a relationship can perish. Here are a few questions most couples never take the time to even think about, much less ask:

1) If we could design our relationship any way we wanted, how would we like it to be?

2) What goals do we have for our relationship?

3) What do we want to give, and what do we want to get in our relationship?

For more immediately useable tips and tools for your relationship, visit relationship coach Jeff Herring's interactive website at SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

Relationships, communication theme of Friday's Warner Robins council retreat Macon Telegraph (blog) After ending at 7 pm Friday, the retreat will continue Saturday from 8 am to 3:30 pm OV Brantley, a former attorney for Fulton County governmental bodies, told council members their internal relationships are important to strong operations and images. and more »

CBC.ca

Depression Linked To Adolescent Bullying Medical News Today "Often the assumption is that problematic peer relationships drive depression. We found that depression symptoms predicted negative peer relationships. We examined the issue from both directions but found no evidence to suggest that peer relationships ... Depressed Adolescents More Likely to be BulliedPsychCentral.com Depressed adolescents likelier to be bulliedTimes of India Depressed adolescents more likely to be targets of bullying: StudyHealthJockey.com U.S. News & World Report -Expatriate Healthcare all 46 news articles »

Cara Dorris '15: The fiction of relationship? The Brown Daily Herald Most people will tell you that there are two types of relationships at Brown: rigid, Facebook-official romances and hurried, efficient and occasionally chronic hookups. Though there are exceptions, most of us brag that we're too busy, even too selfish ... and more »

PsychCentral.com

Optimal conversation lowers stress in relationships Times of India Young couples who easily engage in rewarding conversations with their partners, experience less relationship stress and higher satisfaction, say researchers. According to research from Kansas State University, young adults who have optimal conversation ... Going With the Flow of Talk Brings Couples CloserPsychCentral.com all 12 news articles »

Healthy relationship examples crucial for youth, experts say Maxwell Gunter Dispatch In the race to stop domestic violence, educating children before they date can provide the awareness for healthy relationships when they become adults. In the crucial years before youth start dating, parents and peers impact children's perceptions of ... and more »

Relationships Art Exhibit at the SCAHC Gallery in Sussex NorthJersey.com (press release) In the Relationships Art Exhibit, the Sussex County Arts and Heritage Council is asking artists to explore, well, relationships—any relationship. And what seems to be a traditional subject for art can prove to have numerous possibilities when viewed ... and more »

Jamie Kennedy Talks Relationships, Valentine's Day Plans and Playing 'Cupid ... Hollywood Reporter As for his research of the role, the actor joked, "I went to Zales," before admitting, "I think I've been in enough relationships that that was my research." Not that he claims to know what he's doing. "Being in all of my relationships, I'm even more ... and more »

At NRC Hearing, Signs Of Improving Relationships Fox Business However, it offered several hints that personal relationships on the five-member commission may be improving less than two months after they boiled over at a pair of congressional hearings. The tensions have raised questions about the nuclear safety ... and more »

Love Triangles: And Kitty Makes Three Patch.com When pets and relationships collide, there are better answers than dumping one of the feuding parties. This shorthair cat is available for adoption from the Santa Monica Animal Shelter. For more information, contact Sharon Hardy, owner of Sweet Potato ... and more »

HipHopDX

The Dead End Theory: 15 Rapper Relationships That Ended In Break-Up HipHopDX by DX Staff From Eminem and Mariah Carey's bittersweet triste to Darlene's immortal gangsterism, and the Kelis and Nas shakedown, HipHopDX looks back at some high-profile Rap relationships. While Love and Hip Hop is currently a hit reality show, ... and more »