Relationships Tips

Bedroom Treason


Just a note to ask if there are other married women and men who are happy in their marriage and in their affair at the same time? I am fulfilled at home, in the bed and emotionally, with two men meeting my needs.

It would be great if I had found a guy who could satisfy me both emotionally and sexually, but it just didn't happen. My partner is also married and feels the same way. We will never leave our spouses, and they are unaware why we don't hound them for physical intimacy anymore. They are both relieved of the pressure, and there are no more fights or silences.

People stay married for many reasons, and not all problems can be worked out. The four of us are friends, and I sometimes wonder if they would even object. Let's face it. There are those who just do not like sex! I believed in no sex before marriage, and now I know why my guy was okay with that! He is not gay, but just says it's not what it's cracked up to be.

Chastity

Chastity, in one of P.G. Wodehouse's books, Bertie Wooster quotes something Jeeves told him. "There can be no love where there is not perfect trust."

When people learn about a spouse's infidelity, they feel their world has come crashing down. We have never gotten a letter from someone who found out their mate was chronically unfaithful, and they were happy about it. They feel deceived and lied to. There are therapy groups where people talk about D-day, the day they learned of their spouse's infidelity.

You are explaining things to yourself in a way which justifies you and makes your spouse the problem. But go ahead and try to prove your claim. Tell your husband tonight, and encourage your "partner" to tell his wife.

Wayne & Tamara

No Higher Ground

I have two friends I recently learned were, or are, in a gay relationship. I say "were or are" because one of them, Tom, is saying the relationship was a mistake and over before it started. The other one, Ray, says he walked away from one aspect of their relationship, but is not willing to give Tom up as a friend. Tom says Ray is "a friend I can't get rid of."

I discovered the relationship by noticing Ray is extremely possessive of Tom. Ray becomes jealous and angry when Tom is with his straight friends. To look at Tom with those straight friends you would never guess in a million years he is gay. Tom has gone to extreme measures to make sure his friends know nothing about Ray.

Ray keeps a picture of Tom on his desk at work, and he is extremely upset if Tom can't meet him for lunch. Tom, on the other hand, panics at the thought of his family finding out about Ray. I am not to mention Ray's name around Tom's friends or family, which makes me feel extremely disloyal to Ray.

Tom truly wants Ray out of his life, but Ray threatens to out Tom to his friends and family if he breaks off their relationship. I care for both of them, and neither of them will seek professional help. What can I do to help them? Or should I just step away from the whole thing?

Phyllis

Phyllis, no one is on the higher moral ground here. Tom wants you to lie and hide his life from people who care about him and think they know him. Ray is trying to blackmail Tom into a relationship.

Both are seeking, or sought, a relationship they are not entitled to. You would like to champion a cause, but neither Tom nor Ray has a cause to champion. Perhaps their collision will induce some truth and reality into each of their lives. Stay out of it.

Wayne & Tamara

Direct Answers - Column for the week of March 22, 2004

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.


MORE RESOURCES:

Relationships, communication theme of Friday's Warner Robins council retreat
Macon Telegraph (blog)
After ending at 7 pm Friday, the retreat will continue Saturday from 8 am to 3:30 pm OV Brantley, a former attorney for Fulton County governmental bodies, told council members their internal relationships are important to strong operations and images.

and more »


PsychCentral.com

Optimal conversation lowers stress in relationships
Times of India
Young couples who easily engage in rewarding conversations with their partners, experience less relationship stress and higher satisfaction, say researchers. According to research from Kansas State University, young adults who have optimal conversation ...
Going With the Flow of Talk Brings Couples CloserPsychCentral.com

all 12 news articles »


CBC.ca

Depression Linked To Adolescent Bullying
Medical News Today
"Often the assumption is that problematic peer relationships drive depression. We found that depression symptoms predicted negative peer relationships. We examined the issue from both directions but found no evidence to suggest that peer relationships ...
Depressed Adolescents More Likely to be BulliedPsychCentral.com
Depressed adolescents likelier to be bulliedTimes of India
Depressed adolescents more likely to be targets of bullying: StudyHealthJockey.com
U.S. News & World Report -Expatriate Healthcare
all 46 news articles »


Cara Dorris '15: The fiction of relationship?
The Brown Daily Herald
Most people will tell you that there are two types of relationships at Brown: rigid, Facebook-official romances and hurried, efficient and occasionally chronic hookups. Though there are exceptions, most of us brag that we're too busy, even too selfish ...

and more »


Healthy relationship examples crucial for youth, experts say
Maxwell Gunter Dispatch
In the race to stop domestic violence, educating children before they date can provide the awareness for healthy relationships when they become adults. In the crucial years before youth start dating, parents and peers impact children's perceptions of ...

and more »


Relationships Art Exhibit at the SCAHC Gallery in Sussex
NorthJersey.com (press release)
In the Relationships Art Exhibit, the Sussex County Arts and Heritage Council is asking artists to explore, well, relationships—any relationship. And what seems to be a traditional subject for art can prove to have numerous possibilities when viewed ...

and more »


Love Triangles: And Kitty Makes Three
Patch.com
When pets and relationships collide, there are better answers than dumping one of the feuding parties. This shorthair cat is available for adoption from the Santa Monica Animal Shelter. For more information, contact Sharon Hardy, owner of Sweet Potato ...

and more »


Jamie Kennedy Talks Relationships, Valentine's Day Plans and Playing 'Cupid ...
Hollywood Reporter
As for his research of the role, the actor joked, "I went to Zales," before admitting, "I think I've been in enough relationships that that was my research." Not that he claims to know what he's doing. "Being in all of my relationships, I'm even more ...

and more »


At NRC Hearing, Signs Of Improving Relationships
Fox Business
However, it offered several hints that personal relationships on the five-member commission may be improving less than two months after they boiled over at a pair of congressional hearings. The tensions have raised questions about the nuclear safety ...

and more »


HipHopDX

The Dead End Theory: 15 Rapper Relationships That Ended In Break-Up
HipHopDX
by DX Staff From Eminem and Mariah Carey's bittersweet triste to Darlene's immortal gangsterism, and the Kelis and Nas shakedown, HipHopDX looks back at some high-profile Rap relationships. While Love and Hip Hop is currently a hit reality show, ...

and more »

Google News

home | site map
© 2010